After I finally moved in, my husband wants me back, now what?
It can be the great irony of a marriage that is falling apart. Once you begin to loosen control and finally wrap your brain around the idea of moving on, suddenly your husband decides that he might have changed his mind and wanted you back. That is why often women trying to save their marriages or win back their husband to make sure he seems to advise them that they are coping, taking care of themselves and embracing life. Because often, once you give the illusion that you have no choice but to move on (even if you’re clearly reluctant to), this will often pique your husband’s curiosity and turn the tables a bit. It is usually around this time that the husband decides that he wants you back.
Such was the case with the recent correspondence I received. The wife had spent months trying to convince the husband to save the marriage and fix things. He resisted no matter what the wife tried. Very reluctantly and heartbroken, the wife picked up the pieces of her life and began to move on. She started seeing friends, doing things she liked, and tried to start over.
A few months after this, her husband called and asked to meet for dinner. During that dinner, he told her very directly that she had changed her mind about her and suspected that he might want her back. This was bittersweet for the wife. Three months ago, she would have killed to hear these words. She would have fallen into her arms with complete relief. But now, she wasn’t so sure how to proceed.
Because there was a bit of resentment at how much he had rejected her in the previous months. And she couldn’t understand what had changed so dramatically that her husband would suddenly change. Furthermore, she knew that the issues that divided them were still present. Therefore, she was protected because she didn’t want to get hurt again and have to get up again when any attempt at reconciliation failed.
She said, in part: “A part of me wants him back too. A very short time ago, all I wanted was him and I was begging him to take me back. But he wanted nothing to do with this. So I had no choice but to go ahead and live my life and that was really hard but I did it. Now once I’m finally standing on my own two feet, do you change your mind? How am I supposed to react? before that? What should I do?” I will try to address these concerns below.
Deciding the best way forward when he wants you back after you’ve moved on and started to heal:Of course, the central question in this whole situation is whether the wife felt that she would ultimately be better and happier if she got her husband back, or if she maintained her new life alone. And she didn’t seem to have the perfect answer because it had been a relatively short time since she “went away”.
In her heart, she didn’t want to turn her back on her marriage. She knew and admitted that she still loved her husband. She wanted to fix things. She just wasn’t sure if she believed this was possible or not. Part of the reason for this was that she kept hearing all the things her husband said when they used to argue about whether the marriage could be saved. She had repeatedly exposed how things had ended for him and she wasn’t about to change her mind. So why did these issues suddenly become less important to him?
Why do husbands change their minds and suddenly want you back?: This was an important question for the wife. She needed to understand the answer to this question before she could be open to considering going back into her marriage and giving it another chance.
There are many reasons why men change their minds about ending the marriage, getting divorced, or separating. Time and distance can often work wonders because it gives people the objectivity and clarity that you just don’t get when you’re too close or emotionally confused about a situation. Things and feelings often become clearer when they are not related to each other every day and fuel the fire.
I often hear from men who have changed their minds about wanting their wives or girlfriends back and say things like, “It wasn’t until it became clear that she was going to move on and that I was really going to lose her that I began to realize that living It wasn’t what I wanted without her. I just realized that I couldn’t and shouldn’t let her go without doing everything I could to save the marriage. And, once I had a little time to think for myself, I realized that our problems were not insurmountable.
Many wives in this situation will tell me that they suspect their husbands are just lonely, confused or bored and that shortly after the wife returns, they will be in the same situation when he decides he wants to separate. after all.
I guess it’s a possibility, but you’ll never know the outcome if you don’t take the risk. If your heart tells you that you want a second chance, then maybe you can set it up so you can have both: Evaluate a second chance while maintaining your independence so that you feel like you’re exploring both options as long as you can. make a right decision.
Setting him up so he has the best chance of making the marriage work this time:It was pretty clear to me that the wife’s biggest concern was to give it a try only to be disappointed later. She hesitated to put her heart on the line again. That’s why I think it was wise to accept nothing less than really address those issues this time rather than gloss over them. Now, that doesn’t mean dwelling on every problem. And sometimes it’s best to save the tough issues until you’re together and connected again.
But one way to give yourself the confidence to return to the marriage with genuine enthusiasm is to know that you’re going to do the work necessary to resolve problems so they don’t keep coming up. And, while she was doing this, nothing said that she couldn’t continue hanging out with her friends and focusing on herself. She wasn’t seeing other people romantically. She was just practicing self-care, which can go hand in hand with a healthy marriage anyway.
