Forget your enemies if you can’t forgive them
You can only achieve a truly positive attitude when you have learned to let go of all negative thoughts and emotions and to bless and be grateful for everything in your life. This includes forgiving people who have hurt you and who you consider your enemies.
True forgiveness is difficult for many people. For most people, the ability to forgive exists in direct proportion to the magnitude of the damage. If a stranger bumps into you and causes you momentary pain but no lasting damage, you’ll probably experience a brief flash of anger, but soon forget the entire incident. If the stranger crossed your path again and asked for your forgiveness, you would not hesitate to grant it. Forgiveness is easy when the hurt is light.
The situation would be different in a case where someone has caused you serious long-term harm. If a stranger deliberately or through wanton carelessness caused you physical harm, you might allow yourself to wish for a similar accident to happen to that person. If the damage meant that you would be in pain (through no fault of your own) for the rest of your life, your anger and desire to see the other person suffer would continually resurface. Each onset of pain would act as a trigger for negative thoughts.
Do thoughts of revenge and hate harm your enemy? No, your enemy will not be harmed by your thoughts. The only person they will harm is you. Your thoughts are not like silver bullets that will fly out and strike the transgressor; they are like a poisonous gas that will stay in your mind and suffocate positive feelings. You must take deliberate action to replace the poison of negativity with the fresh air of positive thoughts.
To fill ourselves with positive thoughts and feelings, we must expel all negativity. This, however, is often easier said than done. Some people find it difficult to forgive. If you have a long memory and little forgiveness, how can you have good and positive thoughts about a person who has inflicted harm on you? It is harder and takes longer in cases where the wound, whether physical or emotional, is deep and new.
You may find it possible to pray for the other person, but true forgiveness will not be within you. The memory of the injury will never be far from your thoughts and you will be filled with feelings of anger and hatred every time you think of the person responsible. True forgiveness will only be possible over time when the wound has had time to heal and your memory of the incident is less clear. As time goes by, you will think less and less about your misfortune. Eventually, you will be able to let go of all your negative thoughts about what happened and rejoice in the here and now.
If you can’t find a way to truly forgive your enemy within yourself, you can take steps to protect yourself from being hurt by harmful negative thoughts. To avoid adding negativity to your suffering, the best defense is to avoid thinking about the other person until the bad memories have sufficiently faded. Whenever the image of the other person enters your mind, push it away with thoughts of other people and deliberately focus on more pleasant topics.
If you refuse to dwell on what you cannot change, you can defend yourself against negativity until the day comes when the memory is no longer vivid. You will be able to remember the pain without suffering it. You will be able to think of your enemy without resentment. You will give your bad experience its rightful place as part of history, something you cannot alter and cannot harm you. You will be a survivor and you will be able to truly forgive and move on.
