Never show your weakness: maintain eye contact
EYE TO EYE LOOK
There is a lot of emphasis on eye contact during interactions with people. But the advice given is usually mechanical with an instruction booklet.
The importance of eye contact is evident when you are with someone who is wearing sunglasses. It feels weird and awkward when you can’t see his eyes.
The eyes are an instinctive focal point. And generally we can define a person’s character by their eyes. For example, when you look at a photograph of a murderer (Mira Hindley and Ian Brady, prime examples), you get the sense of “evil” just from their eyes.
It is not only important to make eye contact, but also NOT to make it. Someone can’t look you in the eye because of negative emotions like sadness, boredom, or depression. It can also be a sign of shame or guilt. So any way you cut it, the eyes convey a lot, whether you give it or not.
And women turn to the eyes and eye contact for a man’s attractiveness. I’ve never asked a girl how they judge a guy by his eyes, but apparently they do. Maybe it could be the result of eye contact a guy gives? Like when he looks into his eyes, he makes him feel weak and vulnerable, depending on his hidden intentions anyway.
In any case, we know that the eyes are important and we need to be able to look at them. Similarly, people need to see OUR eyes in order to feel that they can trust you and see you as a whole.
EYE CONTACT TEST
Try this…
Walk down the street and make eye contact with people as you go about your day. People will walk by with their heads down, but give it a try.
Uncomfortable? Do you feel pressure to look the other way?
Now try it with sunglasses.
How much easier is it to try to make eye contact when you’re behind a pair of sunglasses? Do you feel a little more comfortable?
Sunglasses are like a mask. It’s so much easier to try to look people in the eye because you know they can’t do the same to you. If you want a spiritually sexual hint, they can’t penetrate your soul.
It’s amazing how simply covering your eyes can allow you to feel a little more powerful and confident.
So what does this tell you?
Eye contact is easy when we feel like we are hidden from view. But why would we hide? Or why would we entertain our eyes from sustained eye contact?
Simple, because we feel vulnerable and insecure. We feel that people can know everything about us. On the other hand, they are a means to avoid being defiant. When someone gets angry and wants to attack, they often don’t make eye contact before lashing out. They don’t want to give any sign.
So ask yourself what you are communicating when you avoid contact.
1) You are vulnerable and low status.
2) You feel inferior to the other person so you don’t want to appear defiant or attract attention.
3) The above two suggest little or no trust.
EYE CONTACT TO START
Another point is the fear of starting something. A beautiful girl has just entered the room. Now you can stare at it for hours if you wanted to. That is, until she stops in the conversation and looks your way.
“Trapped! ABORT!”
You know if you held eye contact you would have to go and do something. You would have to start. And on top of that, you feel vulnerable for having put your interest there. She knows you find her stunning to admire, but the thought of having a conversation with this fear makes you nervous. Again, it all comes down to feeling inferior and not wanting to start anything.
I try to avoid any eye contact, because if I do that, then it opens the door for a conversation like I want that – Eminem
I KNOW I AM VULNERABLE, NOW WHAT?
Okay, so it’s not a mechanical process. It is done automatically, in the same way that entertaining your eyes is automatic. It all stems from how you feel about yourself, because that’s what you unconsciously communicate.
If you didn’t feel inferior with the beautiful girl in front of you, you would gladly welcome her eyes coming your way. You would see it as a green light to start.
When you feel firm about a decision and you feel strong about it, then you won’t mind looking someone in the eye if they don’t agree with you. You wouldn’t see it as a challenge to shy away from.
So the obvious first step to getting comfortable looking someone in the eye is to desensitize yourself. By that I mean walk down the street and make eye contact with as many people as you can.
However, this is where your fear of ‘what could happen next’ could be triggered. You might think to yourself, “Shit. This could lead to a conversation. What do I do then?”, so you look away to avoid getting into it.
You have to ask yourself where your discomfort comes from. Do you feel vulnerable and insecure about yourself? Or are you fearing the consequences, like a conversation, starting something, a guy standing up to you, etc.?
There would be no point in going out and making eye contact unless you feel confident and certain about what might happen next.
Remember, you use your eyes to communicate non-verbally. It is an act of initiating something subliminally with someone else. And only people who feel secure and powerful within themselves can give it naturally.
