When you don’t care about raising your grandchildren
Should I step in or stay out?
Perhaps you live close to your children and their families, and have the privilege of seeing your grandchildren regularly. Perhaps you live far away and only see your children and their families a few times a year. Either way, it’s unsettling when you see things with your own eyes, or hear things from your grandchildren, that lead you to question the parenting skills used in raising your grandchildren. Should you talk to your child and your spouse, or should you do whatever it takes not to interfere? Well, it really depends on what issues are causing you concern. Of course, if you have reason to believe that mental, physical, or even sexual abuse is present in your grandchild’s life, you should never give up on notifying the proper authorities. This can cause discontent in your family; But you may just be saving a child’s life.
As an example, let’s say you will be spending two weeks at your child’s home so that you can spend quality time with your child and family. It is dinner time, the food is prepared, the table is set and everyone is present to enjoy the food together. His grandson looks at the food they gave him and pushes the plate away, refusing to eat what was served to him. Then your grandson looks at the gelatin that was served to him in a small bowl, and because it was orange flavored gelatin instead of cherry flavored gelatin, your grandson has a second seizure. The way you would have handled this outburst when you were raising your children is very different from how your son handled it. He probably would have said something like, “This is what’s for dinner. You can choose to eat it or leave it, but nothing else is served.” In stark contrast, in response to your grandson’s outburst, your child allows your screaming child to choose something different for dinner and offers various options, from cereal, fruit, pasta, yogurt, or pizza. You are probably outraged by your son’s willingness to give in to his grandson instead of forcing him to eat what was prepared. Should you express your opinion?
As another example, during a visit with your son and his family, it is around 7:15 pm on a school night, and they told their 7-year-old grandson that in 15 minutes it would be bath time. story time and bedtime. His grandson seemed nice. When 15 minutes passed and it was 7:30 pm, they told their grandson to turn off the television and get ready for bath time. The boy begs him to stay up another half hour to watch “just one more show” on television. When their grandson was told “No”, the whining and crying began. Once again, when she was raising her children, she would turn off the television and accompany her son to the bathroom and follow through on what she had been told. His son, however, walks up to the boy, hugs him, and says, “Come on, honey. You know it’s bath time.” The child says: “But mommy … but daddy …” And so it goes on and on from there. Half an hour later, the boy is in the bathtub and instead of putting him straight to bed, the boy is still rewarded with story time. In his eyes, his grandson won and the adult in the situation showed weakness. Should you express your opinion?
“Should I say something?”
In both examples, you must bite your tongue. You raised your children; now is the time for your children to raise their own. As much as you want to rant and rave, there will be no positive outcome as a result of you expressing your opinion. What you need to realize, as a grandparent, is that your son and son-in-law or daughter-in-law have no interest in hearing your unsolicited advice, opinions, stories, or life lessons from your own parenting experiences. . Think about how your own father may have offered you “free” advice after the birth of your first child. Think about whether you liked it or not. Imagine that these people are not your relatives; Suppose a friend tells you about this type of behavior in your family. What advice would you give your friend? It’s always best to back up a bit and think things through before voicing your concerns or offering advice when it comes to parenting.
Discipline must be dictated by your grandson’s parents; not for you, and you should follow their example whenever possible. That does not mean that children should come to your home and drink from the milk carton, throw food, or jump on your furniture. When they are at home, they must follow your rules.
No matter what your opinion is regarding the raising of your grandchildren, unless there are issues that specifically affect the physical or emotional well-being of your grandchild, it is best to be careful what you say in order to maintain a decent relationship with your child and his or her child. the child’s family. Your role is to support your child’s family, not to intervene in their decisions.
Some other points to remember
Never criticize your child’s parenting skills, especially in front of him. Follow their rules as often as possible. Try to focus on the good things you see your grandson’s parents doing, like being firm but fair. Congratulate them on things that are working well or when you see a happy family unit in their homes.
