How to reduce stress as a caregiver
Order, systems, routines – they are my saving grace as a caregiver for my husband, Dave, who has frontotemporal dementia (dx 3 1/2 years ago). I used to laugh about the Dave thing. establish routines: news at 7:40 and 8:00 am, mowing the lawn on Mondays, and going to the gym on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Lately he has decided to have 2 types of jam for his toasts that alternate days. You may not remember to let the dogs out to pee, but you don’t forget what jam you ate yesterday.
Last year I reached a major turning point in my life living with a husband with dementia. My plate was full of juggling 3 part time businesses, volunteering, cooking, cleaning, shopping, and… taking care of Dave and me. Not to mention our 2 adult children. I had to find a way to balance everything.
I took a course from Darius Barazandeh: Wealth Through Unity. He said that if they want to live in a ‘state of grace’ or a calm and peaceful state, then they need to have order in their lives. What a difference that is making in mine. The more systems I create and develop, the easier life becomes. For example. I deal with many service people: auto mechanic, furnace technician, appliance repairman, plumber, electrician, septic firefighter, cleaning lady, painters, garage door repairmen, dentists, doctors, accountants and the list goes on and on . To keep track of them I have 2 plastic accordion file cabinets with 13 slots. There is one for the plumber, electrician, mechanic, etc. On a 3 x 5 card I put the name of the company, phone number and the person with whom I am dealing; along with details of what they did and receipts.
Another system is to make a shopping list. There’s a sticky note next to the fridge with a pencil attached (pens don’t write well on vertical surfaces) and when I remember what I need on the shopping list, I put it down. Then I take the sticky note to the store. This saves time writing a list and also shopping only once a week because I don’t forget anything.
I like to use my flip video (a small video camera that is easily transferred to a computer) to record details. The other day when Tony, a tile specialist, was fixing up our retaining walls, I used the video to record the steps of preparing the surface, laying the tiles, and finally grouting. He’s out of time and he didn’t finish the grout, so I’ll do it. There are more loose tiles, which means I can become a competent tile setter.
If there is a part of your life that seems overwhelming or confusing, make a plan or system for it. You’ll notice how much easier it is when you have to contact the plumber if your hot water tank bursts, or the electrician when a fuse panel blows. Less stress and more free time… sounds good to me!
