I’ve Become Obsessed With My Husband’s Affair: Hints And Tips That May Help
In fact, I hear this phrase quite often. There’s no doubt that dealing with the aftermath of a husband’s affair can be painful and exhausting, but sometimes we let him take over our lives. And occasionally this goes on for so long that it becomes unhealthy because it contributes to getting so hung up on the things that we don’t move forward and we don’t participate in the things that are available to us that could give us a little bit of joy, can lighten our load. and can help us heal.
I often hear phrases like “I try so hard to keep going, but I find myself thinking about this all the time. I think about his adventure from the moment I wake up in the morning until the moment I can barely fall asleep.” at night;” or “I can’t stop harassing and questioning him. I can’t leave him alone. I want to know each and every detail about the matter. I’m obsessed with where they went and what they did. I ask my husband all kinds of ridiculous questions, from what kind of perfume he was wearing to what he was thinking when he did this.”
These things are completely understandable and it doesn’t mean you’re missing out or can’t change course. It just means you want information because he kept it from you for so long. And, it often means that he is trying to protect himself from being surprised again. You want to know how this all happened so you never let it happen to you again.
Why you might be obsessed with their affair: Like I said, this is often a direct reaction to being kept in the dark and misled. Information has been withheld from you, so it is often an understandable inclination to almost want to gather information now. Often you want to know absolutely EVERYTHING because you feel that this will give you back some of your power. But often you don’t realize that this obsession with gathering information is a never-ending cycle. Because the more you find out, the more you want to know. And as you learn more, you have more questions.
So this almost becomes an endless cycle that makes you feel worse instead of better. You start to get angry with yourself and wonder what’s wrong with you. You see other people capable of moving on and wonder why you can’t be more like them. And sometimes, you decide that you’re going to do better and not dwell on it today only to find that these thoughts have been tormenting you even before breakfast.
I understand these challenges, but stopping this cycle starts with the realization that it really is a road to nowhere. It makes you feel worse instead of better. Yes, you absolutely need to know why and how this happened to you. You need to know the vulnerabilities and the warning signs. But there’s a fine line between these things and the little details that will drive you crazy and only fuel the cycle.
How to stop obsessing over his affair and the other woman: Probably what most people become obsessed with when obsessing over a husband’s affair is the other woman. Because you often think that this person and his qualities and attributes are the key to understanding why a normally decent man can make such a big mistake and have such a profound lack of judgment. So, you want to know what power she had over him and why.
But sometimes this is an answer you just won’t get, at least to your complete satisfaction. Men often can’t articulate this, and honestly, it’s often not about her. It’s about him and how he was looking for improvements in his life and the way he felt about himself in all the wrong and inappropriate places.
So often, I hear women say things like “the woman my husband cheated with isn’t even that pretty. She’s overweight and not his type. What’s up with this?” Like I said, it’s often about how her presence makes him feel about himself rather than anything to do with her. And that’s why knowing about her perfume or her clothes or her personality isn’t really going to give you that perspective and that closure that you’re looking for.
How to handle a husband’s constant affair obsession: The first thing is to recognize what is happening at the moment it happens. If you can at least pause and think “Here we go again. The endless loop is beginning,” you can start to reprogram yourself to do something else at this point instead of going down that path again. The healthiest thing you can do is motivate yourself to do something nice for yourself when these thoughts start. Instead of going down that dead end, exercise, hang out with friends, go shopping, or do whatever it takes to create positive emotions and experiences instead of negative ones.
I often tell people that the best thing to do is focus on yourself, not them. Do what builds you up instead of what tears you down. You owe this woman nothing, but you are responsible for yourself. Don’t let her hurt you more than she has already done to you. Go forward instead of backward. If you can do this slowly but surely, eventually when those thoughts come, you will no longer fear them, because you will know that they are the stimulus for you to take care of yourself. This will make them lose their power.
Finally, if these hang-ups keep coming back, ask yourself if there is a problem that is still not being addressed. Are you still worried that your husband is not being honest or has not given you accurate and complete information? If this is the case, tell him that this is keeping you stuck and ask him to help you. Sometimes this will help significantly. Other times, it is not the lack of information or your indifference that is the problem. It’s that you’re stuck in a thought loop that needs to be interrupted and redirected to stop it once and for all.
