My husband said he regrets marrying me, now what?
Few things are as hurtful as hearing your husband say that your marriage was a mistake he regrets. I recently heard from someone who had heard these words and was still reeling. She and her husband had been arguing a lot and having problems. And, during a very unpleasant argument, the husband blurted out that his marriage had been “a mistake.” He went on to say, “I’m sorry I married you. I suspect my life would have been better if we had parted ways before we got married.”
Needless to say, the wife was completely stunned and hurt. She would have been the first to admit that her marriage had been far from perfect. And there were days when she doubted her marriage. But, hearing these words was devastating. She said, in part: “How are you supposed to respond when someone tells you they regret marrying you? Does this mean we’re headed for a divorce? Does this mean he doesn’t love me and never did? Life together was a lie and I wasted several years of my life?I will share how I addressed these concerns in the next article.
He may not mean it when he says he regrets marrying you: Without a doubt, the words that the husband hurled at this wife were hurtful words that cut very deeply. And that was probably their goal. Sometimes the words that are thrown at you in the heat of the moment can hurt, but at the same time, they may not be completely accurate.
While the husband may have regretted the marriage at that particular time, he may not regret it overall. I have talked to men in similar situations and what they will often tell you is that they are beyond frustrated and are usually going to great lengths in an attempt to get their wife’s attention.
As hurtful as it is, it can make you pay attention to what matters right now: It’s completely understandable that in a situation like this, your reaction is to hit back and say or do something equally hurtful. Or, you may be inclined to give up on your marriage. Who wants to be married to someone who regrets marrying you?
But it soon became clear that this wife really did not want to give up on marriage. Yes, she was incredibly angry and hurt. And she wasn’t sure how to proceed. But deep down, she really wanted to find a way to make things better so that the marriage could finally be saved. But she seriously doubted if this was possible.
The thing is, while this can be a very difficult situation, at least the wife was given notice before the divorce proceedings were filed. Because sometimes, I hear from wives that they never get this kind of warning. They just get divorce papers one day and have less time to react.
At least in this situation, the wife was getting some warning signs that the marriage was in serious jeopardy. The husband was clearly trying to draw her attention to the fact that, for now at least, she viewed the marriage as flawed and unfulfilling. And, if the wife was honest, she had to admit that she agreed with her assessment. Things hadn’t been so good lately.
Change your marriage so that neither of you looks back with regret: It may sound easy for me to say, but the way I saw it, the wife really had two options at the moment. She could get angry, act on these out-of-control emotions, and allow this whole process to further deteriorate her marriage.
Or, you could control your emotions and try to see the big picture. Although what her husband had said about her was extremely hurtful, she could see it as a wake-up call to make a real change that would make both her and her husband happier in marriage.
The wife agreed with this assessment, but still insisted that she did not know how to proceed and respond. I suggested that she wait to approach him until she could be calm. At the right moment, you can say something like, “What you said about regretting marrying me hurt me deeply. It took me by surprise. That said, I agree with you that our marriage is not as satisfying as it could be.” We both deserve a marriage that makes us happy. That’s why I’d like to commit to making things better for both of us so that neither of us feels like we’ve taken the wrong path. I can’t change what happened in the past. But I can change my actions from today and so can you.”
This was by no means a quick fix. There was work to begin in the near future. But she would diffuse the situation and start turning the negative into a positive, which was better than the alternative of lashing out at him or “getting even” at him when what she really wanted to do was find a way to make the marriage better for her. feel good about being married to her instead of regretting it.
