Why is my husband mad at me after his affair?
I recently heard from a wife who was extremely confused and furious. Recently, she had learned that her husband was having an affair with a co-worker. She faced him. She had expected him to collapse in on himself apologizing and begging for forgiveness. However, this is not what happened. Instead, her husband seemed furious with her for spying on him and confronting him. Instead of showing remorse and trying to work things out, he was almost acting like she had done something wrong.
The wife said in part, “I just don’t get it. He’s the one who had an affair and cheated on me, and he acts like I’m to blame for doing something wrong. He’s combative, cold and distant.” – almost as if he had ruined the good time he was having and he is incredibly resentful about it. There’s no way to talk to him right now because he’s acting like he’s the wronged party, almost like he’s trying to turn things around for me. What can I do about it? He’s the one in the wrong, not me.”
This is a difficult situation, and also a very common one. There are many reasons why men act angry, angry, or resentful when having an affair. I will discuss some of these reasons and offer some tips on how to deal with it in the following article.
Sometimes men act crazy after their affair in an effort to deflect their anger: As illogical as it sounds, sometimes men act angry after their affair because they are trying to beat you to the punch. They think that if they act like the injured party, maybe this will limit their ability to react as negatively as they otherwise would.
Also, many men use anger as a defense mechanism in this situation. They think that if they are angry and unapproachable, it will limit their ability to question them and demand answers that might make them uncomfortable. In short, they are trying to limit the consequences of their actions. They assume that their anger will make you back down and not question them as much or make as many demands on them.
Sometimes men are embarrassed to be caught in an affair and use anger to hide it: Many men just don’t know what to say or how to act after they are caught being so dishonest. Obviously, you’re not seeing him at his best and he doesn’t know how to respond. Many men feel quite embarrassed in this situation and fear that the other woman and the wife will compare notes and put two and two together.
Usually this will terrify you and your mind will go to all sorts of “what if” scenarios. So, as a defense mechanism, he’ll try to beat you to the punch and hope that you’ll be hesitant to go too far as a result. In short, it’s kind of a defense mechanism because he’s not sure how he’s really supposed to ask or what you want to see and hear from him.
Many men don’t really know what to say when you catch them in an affair, so they’ll use emotions instead of sincere words: If you talk to men in this scenario, many will tell you that they are genuinely sorry and ashamed of their behavior. But sometimes when their wives are saying what they themselves are thinking, they get frustrated and it comes out as anger.
Sometimes a man is more angry with himself than with you: It’s very easy to assume that his anger is directed at you, but that’s not always the case. If you talk to men in this situation, many of them will say that they are more angry with themselves than with you or even with the other woman. They’re so frustrated and disappointed that they’ve put both of them in this situation and they’re not sure how to express it.
How to handle it when your husband is mad at you when he cheated on you: I know you may be feeling quite angry about his weird reaction right now. But honestly, in a sense, sometimes he’s trying to provoke you. Sometimes she tries to get you to focus more on her behavior now than on his behavior when he cheated.
Instead of playing his hand, it is often better to decline to participate. You could say something like, “I see we’re both upset, but I question your right to be upset when you get this all going. Anyway, when you calm down, we can talk more about this. Until then, we won’t.” get anywhere.”
This puts the ball in his court and makes it clear that, for now, you refuse to play into this and are distancing yourself until he stops this. Often after a while he will realize that his tactic didn’t work and you will see the remorse or reactions you expected.
